


what a night can change (let's take a chance)

by sobsicles



Series: SOBS SH Bingo [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alec gets drunk and says a lot of things he probably shouldnt, Alec has a really big crush and doesnt know how to handle it, Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Drunk Shenanigins, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Magnus finds this incredibly amusing, Magnus is just a really good guy tbh, Magnus just doesnt take his shit, POV Alec Lightwood, Sort Of, Square: Rivals, Supportive Izzy, Supportive Jace, Unrealistic depictions of sobering up far too easily, Virgin Alec Lightwood, basically everyone is wonderful, blowjob, brief mention of vomiting, college party, kind of???, newsflash asshole you have been in love this entire goddamn time, supportive Simon, supportive everyone really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23017270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobsicles/pseuds/sobsicles
Summary: On Alec's first day of college, he makes a list of five things he wants to do before he graduates. He thinks it's a pretty simple list, all things considered. It's college, after all, and that's where these things are likely to happen, if they ever will.The list goes like this, in no particular order:1. Go to a party.2. Get drunk at least once3. Find a way to come out to his siblings4. Have sex for the first time5. Fall in love (even if it ends in heartbreak)He misplaces this list somewhere along the way, but he never forgets it. It often crosses his mind, most likely because, as more time passes, he realizes he hasn't had the opportunity to cross even one thing off the list. He's starting to think that he'll never get the chance.That is until he crosses everything off all in the same night with the help of the bane of his existence, one Magnus Bane.~~~Or, the one where Magnus goes from being everything Alec wants to be, to being everything he wants.
Relationships: Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland - Relationship, Background Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood - Relationship, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: SOBS SH Bingo [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609996
Comments: 75
Kudos: 558
Collections: Malec Favorites, SHBingo





	what a night can change (let's take a chance)

**Author's Note:**

> Another one bites the dust. Turns out, I'm in love with Malec. *shrugs* 
> 
> For my Shadowhunter Bingo Square: Rivals
> 
> Enjoy! ;)

On Alec's first day of college, he makes a list of five things he wants to do before he graduates. He _thinks_ it's a pretty simple list, all things considered. It's college, after all, and that's where these things are likely to happen, if they ever will. 

The list goes like this, in no particular order:

  * **Go to a party.**


  * **Get drunk at least once**


  * **Find a way to come out to his siblings**


  * **Have sex for the first time**


  * **Fall in love (even if it ends in heartbreak)**



As his days in college passes, he misplaces this list somewhere along the way, but he never forgets it. In fact, it often crosses his mind, most likely because, as more time passes, he realizes he hasn't had the opportunity to cross even one thing off the list. He's starting to think that he'll never get the chance. 

That is until he crosses everything off all in the same night with the help of the bane of his existence, one Magnus Bane. 

* * *

  * **Go to a party**



  
  


Alec does _not_ like Magnus Bane, and that feeling appears to be mutual. This is common knowledge among their shared group of friends, and it's often the source of weary sighs and disapproving eyerolls. 

What _isn't_ widely known is why, in particular, they don't like each other. Alec knows exactly why on _his_ end, but isn't so sure about Magnus. In truth, he doesn't really care to find out. They've been rivals since the very first year, not-so-subtly competing with each other in nearly everything they do--their studies, their respective sports, the gifts they give on birthdays and holidays _._ If it's something they can try to outdo each other in, they try their damndest to. 

Alec doesn't like Magnus for one glaring reason that makes his insides twist bitterly and shame fill him to the brim. Magnus is everything Alec wishes to be. 

He's pretty much effortless in everything he does, and there's always an ease about him, like nothing in the world ever bothers him. It doesn't seem to take him much work to be at the top of his class, he's an out-and-proud bisexual who doesn't care what people think of him, and there's not an awkward social bone in his body. Everything about him is perfect. No matter what he does, his makeup is never smudged and he's never caught with a hair out of place. There's not a room in this world he can't command, people he can't play like a fiddle, or a situation that makes him feel out of his element. 

Alec _hates_ him. 

Except, well, he doesn't. He's just jealous and envious, he _knows_ that, but it still comes out harsh and rude, which Magnus doesn't tolerate _at all._

Needless to say, Alec is always a little grumpy whenever Magnus is around, which is, unfortunately, pretty often because he's friends with Alec's friends. In a cafe on campus, his little group is all gathered together and he's just trying to his best not to melt the table with the force of his glare. 

"What about you, Alexander?" Magnus suddenly asks, making his head snap up. 

God, he _despises_ it when Magnus calls him by his full name. He makes even that sound like a secret, something stupidly sensual about it, and it never fails to piss Alec off. 

"What about me?" Alec snaps. 

Magnus' eyes spark with challenge. "I'm throwing a party in my apartment. I'm inviting everyone I know, which includes you, unfortunately. Are you coming?" 

The way he asks makes it seem like he doubts Alec will, and suddenly, it's a competition. "I'll be there," Alec says firmly. 

"Marvelous," Magnus mutters, but he smirks. 

* * *

  * **Get drunk at least once**



  
  


Alec isn't shallow enough to dislike Magnus just on the basis of what possessions he owns. Especially not when he knows how he got it--an estranged father passing away and leaving him quite the sum of money and property, all of which Magnus never wanted or asked for. That doesn't mean Alec is oblivious to how _nice_ his things are. 

"Come on, big brother," Izzy teases, pushing a red solo cup into his hands from where she's leaning comfortably into Simon's side. "Seriously, you need to loosen up a little, Alec." 

Alec swallows and looks down into the cup of glittering green liquid, squinting. He's never actually drank anything alcoholic before, mostly because of his straight-laced parents and the simple fact that he hasn't gotten around to it yet. Looking at Magnus' luxurious apartment full of bodies, the room swelling with laughter and background music, he can't think of a better time to get wasted. 

"Woah, easy," Jace laughs, taking his hand out of Clary's back pocket to reach out and stop him from chugging the glass all at once. "Trust me, man, you're going to want to _nurse_ that glass. It's the good stuff. Magnus doesn't skimp on his alcohol." 

Alec scowls and snatches the glass back while muttering, "I bet he doesn't," before slamming the glass back anyway, grimacing afterwards.

Jace winces in sympathy. "Oh boy, here we go." 

"I'll be _fine,"_ Alec insists firmly. 

"Sure," Simon says warily, sharing a look with Izzy. He clears his throat and slaps on a grin. "Well, if you get trashed, we'll make sure you're alright." 

That's strangely comforting, but even still, Alec mutters, "I'm not going to get trashed." 

However, after three downed cups of whatever fucking _magical_ drink Magnus has concocted for his guests...Alec is a little trashed. 

His friends have split off to go and do their own things, which is just fine. Simon is doing a little DJ-ing, messing with the playlist at the front of the room while Meliorn gives him suggestions. Jace and Izzy are both playing beer pong, absolutely doing _fantastic_ as a team against Maia and Raphael. Clary is heading towards him, no doubt to check on him to make sure he's okay--his friends seem to be taking that responsibility in shifts, which makes him feel a little bit like a burden. 

Alec is _fine,_ the world just keeps tipping a little. 

Because Clary seems to be heading in his direction, he whirls around and stumbles away, his vision lurching like he's going a lot faster than he is. There's not actually a destination in his mind, but he'd really like to avoid his friends babysitting him, thank you very much. Again, he's fine. 

In fact, he's _so_ fine that he doesn't even fall when he collides into a sturdy body a few moments later. He slips a little and has to be caught, but he doesn't fall, and that's a win in his book. 

"Alec?" Magnus sounds slightly surprised, no animosity in his tone anywhere as he helps Alec straighten up, eyebrows raising. 

Alec squints at him. "Magnus. Mag-nes. _Magnussss Bane._ Heh, ironic." 

"My...name?" Magnus sounds amused now, as if he's thoroughly enjoying this, and he still hasn't let go of Alec, which is quite nice actually. 

"The Bane part, yeah," Alec tells him, blinking hard as he nods. "'Cause you're the bane of my existence. It's just so…" He waves a hand lazily, "...fitting." 

Magnus' lips twitch. "Alexander, are you drunk?" 

"Mayhaps," Alec says, tilting up his chin and sniffing sharply. "What's it to you?" 

"Nothing at all. I guess I've just...never known you to drink," Magnus admits, tilting his head. 

Alec makes a small _ehhh_ sound. "Well, that's because I don't. No idea why. This is _great."_

"Give it an hour," Magnus says, his eyes bright with amusement. He has pretty eyes. Pretty eyes that are blinking rapidly in surprise. "Thank you?" 

"You're welcome." Alec pauses, lips tipping down as he squints at Magnus. "Wait, why are you--what's the reason you're thanking me?" 

Magnus chuckles warmly. "You told me my eyes were pretty, darling. It's only polite to say thank you." 

Alec's eyes bulge. "I'm saying stuff _out loud?"_

"It appears so." Magnus' lips break into a wide smile, that stupid, _stupid_ smile that's nothing short of perfection. Alec's drunk-addled brain appreciates it very much. "Come on, let's get you some water, Alexander. And perhaps some bread as well." 

"Don't like it when you call me that," Alec mumbles as Magnus starts tugging him towards the kitchen. Magnus frowns at him, so Alec tries to explain as earnestly as possible. "Don't like it because I _really_ do. S'nice, the way you say it." 

Magnus looks at him curiously, eyes flicking up and down to take him in. "Mm, well I'll be sure to continue doing it, then. Now, as much fun as it is to see a side of you that is rarely shown, it feels a bit underhanded. It might be in your best interest just to stay quiet for now until I can sober you up some." 

"I like your face," Alec says, forgetting Magnus' words almost immediately after he says them. Magnus looks over at him in surprise, so he flaps his hand frantically. "Like--like your _makeup._ It's--your face is good and the makeup, too." 

Magnus bites back a laugh. "Thank you. Um, do you--Alec, do you wish you could wear makeup too?" 

"No," Alec says cheerfully, allowing Magnus to lean him up against the counter in the kitchen. He rubs his hand over the smooth marble. "I don't like it for me, I like it for _you._ You should have all the makeup." 

"Ah," Magnus says knowingly, his lips curling up as he reaches in a cabinet. "Again, I really should insist that you stop talking now." 

"Mmkay," Alec agrees. Of course, he immediately finds himself talking only a second later. "And, like, your clothes? I don't--it's not right. _Why?"_

Magnus eyes him over his shoulder as he fills a glass with water. "You don't like my clothes?" 

"Colors," Alec mumbles nonsensically, aware in some distant part of his brain that he's not being articulate. He frowns in concentration as he stares at Magnus. "Colors, and flashy, and sometimes revealing, and _tight._ And your accessories. God, your _accessories."_

"Pretty eyes and pretty makeup, but my clothes are a disgrace to your senses?" Magnus asks him, sounding slightly offended and amused all at once. He passes Alec the glass of water. 

Alec grumbles under his breath, then stares down into the glass like it holds all the answers to the universe. He hears himself, vaguely, as he says, "My senses like your clothes very much. _I_ don't, though." 

"I see." Magnus laughs again, but it sounds slightly pained. He's looking at Alec like he's starting to understand something. "Darling, please drink the water. Here, I'll make some toast." 

Alec lifts the glass to his lips and takes a tentative sip. It's cool against his tongue, and that's precisely when he realizes that his mouth is incredibly dry. He starts gulping it down, eyes sinking closed as he chugs it and swallows thickly. Magnus is putting bread into the toaster, and when he turns around, his eyes go wide to see the empty glass. 

"You told me to drink it," Alec says accusingly. His stomach feels a little sloshy. "I was thirsty." 

"Oh," Magnus says faintly, wincing, "that's not going to go over well. Okay, let's just--you should probably sit down. I--I don't have a chair. One moment." 

Alec waves a careless hand and smiles brightly at him. "I'm _very_ tall, Magnus." 

"Yes, I may have noticed that," Magnus replies, and his voice sounds a little strangled. "As good of a trait that is, it doesn't actually _help_ us at the moment." 

"But it does. C'mere." Alec waggles his fingers, urging Magnus to come closer. When he's within reach, Alec curls his fingers into his shoulder and braces his other hand against the counter. "Watch." 

Magnus' eyes widen. "Alec, maybe--" 

It's too late. With momentum and leverage, Alec jumps a little to lift himself up onto the counter. Since he's tall, it's not that far away, and Magnus is being very helpful. Even still, something goes wrong halfway through and Alec ends up almost on the counter and nearly falling off, while Magnus has stumbled forward and is bracing both hands on either side of him, practically holding him up. Alec blinks at him, not understanding what got him here. 

"Um, I should--I didn't mean to…" Alec trails off, his words slurring, his mind cloudy. 

He opens his mouth to properly apologize because he's pretty sure that he should, but he never gets the chance. With a sigh, Magnus slides his hands from the counter to grip Alec's hips and bodily lift him the few inches to be able to sit all the way on the counter. Alec's breath escapes him all at once, absolutely _stunned_ by that, even though it's not exactly a hard feat to manage. His legs come up on either side of Magnus, who still has his warm hands on his waist, and Alec's tongue feels swollen in his mouth. 

"Don't move from this spot," Magnus says softly, his pretty eyes flicking over Alec's features intently, tongue poking out to wet his bottom lip. 

"Why not?" Alec feels brave, far braver than he ever has in his entire life, like maybe he can do _anything._ He reaches out to run the pads of his fingers over the sleeve of Magnus' silky shirt, his gaze feeling stuck to Magnus' own. "What if I wanna move?" 

"Move where?" Magnus asks slowly, his tone soft in a way it never is when he speaks to Alec, and Alec finds that he much prefers this. 

Alec sways forward. "Where I always want to move. Closer to you," he murmurs. 

Magnus' throat bobs, and Alec's fascinated with the sight of his Adam's apple sliding up and then down. Alec kind of wants to touch it, or maybe suck on it, or just get his mouth on Magnus' neck in general. He doesn't think he's _ever_ seen Magnus look so disheveled, his eyes wide with shock and his body one tense line--he never gets surprised by anything, and he's always moved like water flows, smooth and without any strain in his muscles. 

"Alexander," Magnus says carefully. 

Alec blinks. "I smell burning toast," he says matter-of-factly. "Am I having a stroke? I really hope not. This would be a terrible time for that." 

Magnus sucks in a sharp breath and jerks back, looking a little stunned. "The toast!" he blurts out, pulling away to go to the toaster. 

"Come back," Alec mumbles feebly, but his words go ignored, which is rude. Just like Magnus, who is probably the rudest person in the world. When he comes back over a few moments later with two slices of toast on a small plate, Alec makes sure to tell him this. "You're very rude." 

_"Me?"_ Magnus mutters, looking at Alec in disbelief as he passes him the plate. "In case you're in need of reminding, it is _you_ who's always starting with me. You're grouchy, and you say sarcastic things about me _all the time,_ and you make sure it is very clear how much you don't like me. Just because I don't lay down and take it does _not_ mean I'm the rude one in this scenario. Perhaps you shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it." 

Alec is momentarily distracted by the mental image of Magnus laying down and taking it, which seems vividly clear in his hazy brain. He blinks, physically shaking his head and batting the image away with a hand. He suddenly feels compelled to explain. 

"It's just that you get on my _nerves,"_ Alec admits sullenly, frowning at Magnus. "You drive me _crazy._ It's like you put a spell on me or something. You're under my skin, and I can _feel_ it." He frowns and looks away, but his face smooths out into a contemplative expression. "Makes sense. You are quite magical." 

"Oh, Alec." Magnus's face spasms for a moment, and he bites his bottom lip. When Alec just blinks at him in confusion, he sighs. "Eat your toast." 

Alec does, slowly. In between bites, he pauses to smile at Magnus. He should do that more often. It makes Magnus smile back in amusement, and he likes it when Magnus smiles. 

Halfway into his first slice of toast, Alec starts to feel a little...off. "Magnus," he says warily, "I don't feel so good. I thought this was supposed to help." 

Magnus sighs and reaches out to pat his shoulder sympathetically. "There's only so much I can do. Plus, with the water that you drank too much of far too quickly...well, just let me know when you feel sick, and I'll help you to the bathroom." 

Alec sits his toast down and warns, "I feel pretty sick," only to immediately tip forward and puke all over Magnus' shiny shoes. 

* * *

  * **Find a way to come out to his siblings**



  
  


"Hey there, sleepy head," Jace says softly, his eyes dancing with amusement. "Feeling better?" 

Alec groans as he squints up at his adopted brother slash best friend. He slowly sits up, blinking rapidly as he looks over his shoulder. His head had just been cradled in Clary's lap. She smiles at him and holds out a toothbrush, which looks like a godsend at this point because his mouth tastes _terrible._

"Did I pass out?" Alec mumbles, taking the toothbrush and stumbling to his feet from the bathroom floor. 

Jace snorts. "Briefly. I do think you got all the alcohol out of your system, though." 

"I'm never drinking again," Alec declares, grimacing as he fumbles for the toothpaste on Magnus' immaculately clean sink. 

"Yeah, that's what we all said our first time, too," Jace says with a kind smile. He steps up behind him in the mirror and pats his shoulder. "But it looks like you bounce back quickly, so that's a plus. Once you brush your teeth, we'll give you some fast-acting medicine and you'll be back out there in no time. The party is still in full swing, by the way." 

Alec grunts as he goes about brushing his teeth. He glares at his reflection as he does. God, he's so _stupid._ Aren't people supposed to forget the dumb shit they did while drunk? Unfortunately, Alec remembers vividly how he basically waxed poetic about Magnus _to_ Magnus, which means he can never show his face ever again, obviously. He may as well call his mom and dad and tell them that this college thing isn't working for him, that he's calling it quits, and he'll be home by the end of the week. 

"Here, these will help." Clary offers him a couple of pills and a glass of water. She smiles at him in amused sympathy. "Magnus left them for you. I know you're not his biggest fan, but he looked out for you, so you should probably thank him." 

Alec scowls at her. "I'd rather not, thanks." 

"Yep, he's sobered up," Jace muses, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Come on, Alec, he was so nice about it and everything. Hell, you threw up on the guy. The least you could do is be a little more cordial, if nothing else. He's really not that bad." 

"I hate everyone and everything," Alec deadpans, then swallows down the pills. 

Clary shares a fond smile with Jace, drifting over to press into his side, her dainty hand curling over his hip. "Ah, don't be like that. The party is fun, at least. Stay away from the booze and you'll be _fine."_

"Yeah," Jace agrees, perking up. He jerks his head towards the door. "I think a massive game of Truth or Dare is going on outside. Let's go play." 

Alec scoffs. "Absolutely _not."_

And yet, ten minutes later, Alec finds himself sitting down in a rather large circle with various party-goers who all look _way_ more eager about this than him. To be fair, he'd been dragged into this against his will by his pushy siblings, so here he is, doing his best to not look at Magnus across from him. 

"Okay, I'm going first," Magnus declares, smiling when multiple people shift excitedly. He scans the circle, and Alec tenses, ducking his head down and trying to shrink in on himself. It's needless because Magnus picks Simon anyway. "Alright, Simon, truth or dare, my dear?" 

Simon looks startled and he blushes when Izzy grins at him. "Uh...truth?" he asks warily. 

Raphael smirks. "Big mistake. His truths will make you pick the dare every time." 

"Oh, hush," Magnus says with a small laugh, but his eyes dance with glee. He leans forward and looks right at Simon. "Is it true that you've had a wet dream about--" 

"Oh my god!" Simon blurts out, waving his hands frantically. "Okay, okay, _dare._ Jesus Christ." 

Izzy pats his knee. 

Magnus cackles. "Alright, your dare is to go make out with Jace," he says easily. 

"Oh, come _on,"_ Simon says, tossing up his hands. "He's my girlfriend's brother!" 

"Truth, then?" Magnus asks innocently. 

Simon turns very red and looks over at Izzy, his shoulders slumping. "Sorry, babe, but that's just _private._ No one should know about that dream, and what you were doing it in, and--and I have _no idea_ how he found out about that." 

"You passed out here about a week ago after an intense studying session, Simon." Magnus arches an eyebrow pointedly. "You talk in your sleep." 

"Dammit," Simon mutters. 

Izzy snorts. "Oh, relax. It's fine. This is _fun,_ remember? Now, go make out with my brother." 

Jace grins sharply and blows Simon a kiss while Clary snickers behind her hand. Alec watches, rooted to the spot and riveted by this moment. Jace is as straight as they come, and yet he seems totally at ease with making out with Simon, who is openly pansexual. Alec can't help but stare, unable to force his gaze away from the sight of Simon and Jace kissing around wrinkled noses and laughter, while Izzy and Clary watch on in a mixture of amusement and interest. It's not a sexy kiss by any means, especially knowing how much Jace loves Clary and how much Simon loves Izzy, but it's all in good fun and gets a round of whistles and whoops. 

"Not bad, Lewis," Jace teases when Simon rolls his eyes and moves back over to sit down beside Izzy again. "Was expecting worse." 

Simon flips him his middle finger, and multiple people start laughing. Alec warily glances up to find Magnus watching him, his gaze weighted and calculating. Alec hastily averts his eyes. 

The game continues much like that, jumping all over the circle, having people doing increasingly worse things over time. Meliorn is forced to chug a milk gallon worth of Magnus' special-made drink, which he does without batting an eye. Maia admits that she used to have a crush on Clary very briefly before she figured out she was straight, which makes Clary wince and reach across the circle to kiss her cheek, and that makes Maia roll her eyes. Jace has to give Raphael a lap dance, which is a comical sight in of itself, especially since Raphael looks bored the entire time. Izzy comes right out and admits that she would for _sure_ have a threesome with Simon and Meliorn given the chance, and neither of the other two look too freaked out by this information. 

It's Izzy who turns to him then, and she smirks wickedly as she says, "Alec, truth or dare?" 

Alec's heart _immediately_ starts racing in his chest. There are so many different things that Izzy could ask him, things that she's only ever hinted at knowing. He has no idea what she may force him into admitting, and he doesn't plan to find out. 

"Dare," he says firmly. 

Izzy's eyebrows jerk up. "Okay," she says simply, narrowing her eyes as she scans the circle of people. Her eyes light up. "I dare you to kiss Lydia." 

Alec's head snaps over to the girl in question. Lydia is a lovely girl who he's always liked. She's studious and no-nonsense, but she is always quick to make everyone laugh with her quick wit. She's also very pretty with her long blonde hair and bright eyes, her heart-shaped face lighting up with a smile. He stares at her for a long moment, taking in how she's sitting with a cup grasped loosely in her fingers, her expression open and patient. 

He should just do it. Just get up, move over, grab her by the cheeks and kiss her. It won't mean anything, and she looks like she wouldn't mind. It should be _easy,_ it's just a fucking kiss. If Jace can kiss Simon while being straight just for the sake of the game, then Alec can kiss Lydia. 

He pushes himself to his knees warily, but comes to a slow stop. "I can't do that," he croaks out, sitting back on his haunches in defeat. 

He looks between Izzy and Jace warily, watching their faces morph into confusion. He feels like he's being shoved under a spotlight and stripped bare for the entire world to gawk at, everything he's always held back being forced on display. It won't take them long to figure it out, to realize precisely _why_ he can't do this. If not today, then tomorrow, or next week, or next year… Someday, they'll work it out for themselves, and he'll wish he had told them. 

"Okay," Izzy says carefully, "so truth, then. Is it--" 

"I'm gay," Alec blurts out, then _instantly_ sucks in a sharp breath after admitting that. 

He can't believe he just fucking blurted that out, just like that. His eyes widen, mouth dropping open at his own brazenness, and he whips his head around to take in his friend's reactions. No one looks too terribly shocked or disgusted, and something within him smooths over at that, but he still feels like he's on the edge of a cliff, about to sail over the side. 

Once again, Izzy just says, "Okay. In that case, I have a burning question to ask you. Is it true your friend from high school, Andrew Underhill, was more than just a friend?" 

Alec's shoulders relax. "What? No, we were just really good friends. He was gay, though." 

"Huh." Izzy raises her eyebrows and nods. "Cool. Okay, your turn." 

"Um, Clary, truth or dare?" he mutters, flicking his gaze over to Magnus yet again, his entire face exploding with heat to see that Magnus is _still_ blatantly staring at him, this time with a smile. 

Clary perks up. "Dare!" 

And so it goes. The game continues like there was never a hiccup, and maybe there never _was._ He has no idea why him being gay has always been something he kept to himself, especially when Izzy and Jace have always been okay with Magnus, and Simon, and Maia, and Meliorn… Come to think of it, he knows a lot of people who aren't straight, all of which Izzy and Jace have never treated any differently. 

Alec expects things to feel different, for the world to have changed now that he's out to his siblings, but it doesn't. Izzy shoots him a warm smile and Jace reaches out to squeeze his leg, but outside of that, they don't act like anything has altered their view of him. It makes him feel like he can take a deep breath and let it out for the first time in a long time. 

* * *

  * **Have sex for the first time**



  
  


"I figured I'd find you in here." 

Alec jolts and whirls around towards the doorway, his face immediately contorting into a scowl. Of course, here comes _Magnus,_ with his flashy clothes and stupid face and--

And Alec abruptly remembers all the things he said while drunk. He flushes in mortification and crosses his arms over his chest, turning his head away to avoid looking at Magnus, who appears to be shutting the door behind him. 

"I just needed a few minutes," Alec mutters, looking down to the floor, studying his shoes. 

Magnus hums. "I figured you would," he says calmly, pushing away from the door to drift closer. "What you did back there, it was very brave." 

"I didn't do anything." 

"I am an only child, but I grew up with someone who was like a brother to me. I remember how terrifying it was to come out to Ragnor, but once I did, I felt no shame in embracing my sexuality. My guess is that Izzy and Jace were your biggest hurdle into doing that for yourself, and you just faced it in a room full of friends, so yes, you did something and it was very brave, Alexander." 

"Stop calling me that," Alec snaps, mostly out of habit, but also because Magnus' words are sinking in and he's freaking out _just a little._

Magnus chuckles. "No, I don't think I will. I have it on good confidence that you enjoy it when I call you by your full name." 

"I was drunk." Alec flicks his gaze up to stare at Magnus intensely, his heart hammering in his chest when he realizes that Magnus has come _a lot_ closer while he wasn't paying attention. "People say a lot of things when they're drunk, things that don't mean anything, things you shouldn't believe." 

"Drunk mind, sober mouth." Magnus smiles and flicks his hand lazily in triumph. 

"What do you _want,_ Magnus?" Alec snaps, refusing to back down as Magnus arches an eyebrow. "I obviously came in here to get _away_ from the party. You're the last person I want to see right now, okay?" 

Magnus's other eyebrow raises to join his first. "You're in _my_ room, darling." 

Alec knows that. Of course he knows that. It's not the first time he's been in Magnus' room. Their group of friends alternate between each other's dorms and Magnus' apartment to find quiet places to study, and they've all piled on Magnus' bed and around the room multiple times--well, Alec has never sat on his bed because it feels too personal, and he usually just sits on the floor as he studies. So, yes, he knows this is Magnus' room because he's been in it before, but he has not, however, been in the room _alone_ with Magnus. It's...nerve-wracking. 

Nervousness always succeeds in putting him on edge, so it's through gritted teeth that he says, "Yes, I know this is your room. I just needed a fucking moment, that's all. Are you going to kick me out?" 

"Of course not," Magnus says with a dramatic gasp, laying a hand over his heart. "We're all entitled to our time away from the masses, darling. Such as myself, for example. I'm taking a moment as well, so it looks like I'll be joining you." 

"I think I prefer the masses," Alec mutters. 

Magnus snorts, and even _that_ is elegant, tbe fucking asshole. "You know, there was a time I would have believed that wholeheartedly. You'll have to forgive me for it, but I find myself starting to doubt your general dislike of me." 

"Then you're not as smart as you look," Alec replies blandly, inwardly proud of how steady his voice is. 

"In fact," Magnus continues, almost as if Alec never even spoke, "I think you like me quite a bit." 

Alec releases a huff of delirious laughter, disbelief clear on his face. "I don't _like_ you, Magnus, I never have. That--those things I said… Again, I was _drunk."_

"So my eyes _aren't_ pretty?" Magnus asks him casually, taking a step forward to blink at him pointedly, almost like he's batting his eyelashes. 

God, they really _are._ Magnus' eyes are a warm brown that turns to honey in the sunlight, and gold flecks dance in his eyes when he laughs. Even outlined with khol, his eyelashes thick with mascara, his eyes are the main attraction--the makeup, if anything, just makes them pop. It's _unfair._

"Eyes are eyes," Alec mumbles, swallowing thickly as he drags his gaze from Magnus' eyes. "Anyone can have pretty eyes and still be an asshole. I mean, just look at Jace. And Simon, to be honest." 

Magnus hums, nodding. "Alright, fair enough. And my face, then? You don't actually like it?" 

"You're, um." Alec inexplicably finds himself needing to clear his throat. "It's like...like with Izzy. She's good at makeup, and so are you. Just because you have _talent_ doesn't mean you're incapable of pissing me the hell off." 

"I see." Magnus narrows his eyes and steps closer, holding his arms out. "And I'm guessing your senses don't actually like my clothes while sober, yes?" 

Alec coughs and lifts his gaze from where he'd accidentally paused to look Magnus' outfit over. It's stupidly fashionable, but it always is. He's in _college._ He shouldn't be wearing a waistcoat that looks really good with an undershirt that has the sleeves rolled up to reveal tanned forearms, and the damn ensemble does _everything_ to emphasize his broad shoulders, which is just...stupid. That's not even including the flashy bedazzled belt-buckle that draws the eyes where they shouldn't go, and his black pants are snug when they have no _reason_ to be. Even his fucking _shoes_ are perfect, the second pair he's wearing tonight because Alec hadn't been able to hold his liquor...literally. 

He remembers what he'd said to Magnus. _The accessories, god, the accessories!_ That might be the worst part about Magnus's whole...outward appearance. They're distracting and eye-catching, rings glinting in the sun, necklaces swinging against bare skin, and Magnus _always_ absentmindedly fiddles with his earrings while he's reading. They're obviously the reason Alec finds his gaze snapping over to Magnus over and over, all the time. 

"You're fashionable," Alec allows, watching Magnus' face brighten. "But I don't care about fashion." 

Magnus makes a face that clearly says _obviously._ He clears his throat. "Alright, we'll revisit that. You also might have mentioned something about me being magical." He waves his hands pointedly, like _hello, that explains everything._ "You think I bewitched you."

_"Again,"_ Alec snaps, "I was drunk." 

Now he sees why people get drunk. Plausible deniability is _exhilarating._

"Yes," Magnus snaps back, "but--"

"I also said that you get on my nerves, drive me crazy, and get under my skin," Alec says victoriously, raising his eyebrows at Magnus like _ha, I win!_

He must have seriously miscalculated somewhere because Magnus doesn't look at him like he's just pulled out the finishing blow. Actually, Magnus looks like he actually _pities_ him for a moment, and Alec very much does not like that. 

"Alexander," he says softly, and there's something about his tone that doesn't sit right with Alec. 

His need to win this little bickering match evaporates like smoke and morphs into the overwhelming desire to get the fuck away from this situation as quickly as possible. Magnus looks like he _knows_ something, and Alec has no idea what it is, but he can somehow just _tell_ that he's not going to like whatever comes out of Magnus' mouth next. 

Alec takes a swift step forward. "I--I should… The party, we need to--" 

"Alec," Magnus says firmly, stepping to the side to block his path, bringing them nearly chest-to-chest. He reaches out and carefully puts his hands on Alec's forearms, holding him in place. 

That's not actually necessary. Alec couldn't move if he even wanted to; he's just _stuck._ He should be backing away. Why the _fuck_ isn't he backing away? 

Magnus tilts his head back to look up at him seriously, his gaze patient. "Alexander," he murmurs, "there was something else you said, something about always wanting to be closer to me."

Weakly, Alec whispers, "I was drunk." 

"That doesn't make it a lie." Magnus steps forward, their chests actually brushing together this time, the warm weight of him leaning into Alec. "But, just to clarify, you _don't_ want to be closer to me?"

Alec realizes, belatedly, that he can't breathe. It's like someone has snatched every scrap of oxygen out of the room, leaving him breathless and lightheaded. His heart is racing in his chest, so fast and hard that Magnus must be able to feel it from where they're pressed together, and _fuck,_ Alec still isn't pulling away. He should be, but he can't. Just like breathing, it's impossible, and that means--

"Magnus, I--" Alec cuts himself off, stunned to hear his own voice tinny with yearning, tight with desire. He's never heard himself sound like that before. 

Magnus gives him a small smile. "It's okay, darling. I promise it's okay," he murmurs sincerely. 

Alec doesn't know if he means that it's okay what he's currently feeling, or if it's okay that he can't currently speak. He wants to ask, but the words forming on his tongue get swallowed when Magnus' hands slide up his arms, his fingers gripping their way up to his shoulders. Magnus goes very slow, achingly slow, in fact, and it still takes Alec an embarrassingly long time to realize what's happening. Actually, he doesn't really understand until Magnus is pushing his fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, brown eyes dark with desire and cloudy like he's not thinking either, and then they're suddenly fucking _kissing,_ and that's when Alec fully grasps what's going on. 

_Oh,_ his mind supplies unhelpfully. 

Alec has never kissed anyone in his entire life. He's only ever wanted to once--he was fifteen and very confused about his sexuality, and Jace was the only boy he felt close enough with to desire, but that hadn't lasted more than a few years, the fact that they're like brothers putting a damper on it. Now, as Magnus reaches up with the hand not in his hair to cradle his jaw, warm lips sliding tentatively against his, Alec thinks he's really been missing out. 

This is--Jesus Christ, this is _really_ good. He suddenly understands why everyone does it all the time, and he mentally takes back every eye-roll he gave when he'd catch Jace making out with Clary or Simon making out with Izzy. He gets it, boy does he _ever._

Magnus does something with his tongue, something absolutely _magical,_ and suddenly, Alec has Magnus' tongue in his mouth, brushing against his. A sound he hadn't even been aware he was capable of making leaves the back of his throat, and his shoulders hike up in shock from the frisson of heat that jolts down his spine. His hands seemingly have a mind of their own and have taken to snaking around Magnus' waist to pull him in as close as he can get, nails digging in like he's desperate for Magnus to never leave the circle of his arms, and yeah, that's exactly it. 

If he couldn't breathe _before,_ he's positively suffocating now, but god, what a way to go. His head is filled with fog, a daze of _want, want, want_ pulsing so strongly within him that he's unable to fight it. He doesn't really want to, is the thing, and Magnus seems to be _encouraging_ it. 

Even still, when Magnus pulls away, Alec takes in a deep gasp of air gratefully, his eyes blinking open. He doesn't recall shutting them. The breath he's gulped in escapes him all at once when Magnus latches onto the underside of his jaw and starts _nibbling,_ sending little tingles shooting through him, the feeling so intense that his toes curl in his boots. 

"Oh my god," he chokes out. 

Magnus mouths at the column of his throat and mutters, "You're shaking." 

Alec makes a high pitched sound, eyelids fluttering. He lifts one hand to cup the back of Magnus' head, panting as teeth scrape his earlobe, catching and sucking, and again, his mind simply declares _oh._

Just that, _oh,_ but with an entirely different connotation because he's coming to the slow realization that he's achingly hard in his pants. He's never been aroused because of what someone has done to him, never been turned on by anything other than his right hand. It's very _new,_ very tantalizing, and Alec finds that he really likes it. 

Magnus must like it too, because a moment later, he's rolling his hips forward almost curiously, roughly cursing under his breath against Alec's throat. That simple motion manages to white out Alec's brain for one blissful moment. Before he knows what he's doing, he's desperately searching the feeling out again, spurred on by the mere memory of it. He drops both hands to Magnus' hips and drags them together, whimpering quietly at the feeling of their erections pressing together. It's not exactly _satisfying,_ but the weight of it added to the intention behind it is absolutely blowing his mind. 

Almost frantically, Magnus is kissing him again, one hand fisting in Alec's hair while the other holds onto his shoulder for dear life like he might fall over. That's actually a concern, now that Alec thinks about it, and he's in enough of a sensible state that he manages to stumble back towards where he knows the bed waits behind him. 

The first time he sits on Magnus' bed will forever live in his memory. As soon as he's settled, Magnus moves forward and crawls into his lap with an eager sound as he goes right back to kissing Alec earnestly, this time from an angle above. Alec has to tilt his head back to allow Magnus to keep kissing him, going mindless with it, appreciating it as Magnus' ringed fingers delve into his messy hair. 

Magnus pulls away briefly, giving them time to breathe yet again, and Alec rasps, "I want--Magnus, I want…" 

"Yes, yep, me too," Magnus replies immediately, fingers dragging out of his hair to slide down his chest. "I'm going to unbutton your pants now." 

Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Alec is one hundred percent not going to survive this. 

"Okay," Alec chokes out. 

Magnus pulls back suddenly, his eyes bright, chest rising and falling rapidly. "That's okay?" he checks, and when Alec nods frantically, he smiles. "Okay, good. It's okay if you want to, you know, do the same to me. Blanket permission to do _whatever_ you want." 

Yeah, Alec's probably going to die. 

For a split second, his dazed brain thinks about all the times he's wished that college would lead him into a situation like this. Isn't that what college is about? More than just studies and planning your future, it's the place you're supposed to live in the present and do things you'll look back on fondly, smiling about all the insane shit you did. In high school, as a closeted gay guy, he'd been looking forward to it, this in particular. 

_Blanket permission_ is basically all his dreams coming true, and Magnus looks completely serious, so Alec fully intends to just... _do it._ And why shouldn't he? Just like everyone else, he deserves to have this, to be allowed intimacy and desire. 

Mind made up, Alec fumbles with Magnus's stupid--amazing--bedazzled belt. It's not like a normal belt and he ends up forcefully yanking on it in frustration. Magnus's hands--which have successfully opened his belt at this point--quickly come down over his, halting him. 

"Relax," Magnus says softly, sounding amused. He looks Alec dead in the eye. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Alec swallows. "I really hate this belt," he whispers fiercely. 

"Oh, shut up, it's very pretty." 

"It's _inconvenient._ Take it off."

Laughter bubbles up past Magnus' lips, and his smile is wide and sensual. "Of course. Watch me. It's important that you know how to do this." 

Alec's gaze falls to watch Magnus expertly unclip his belt, grabbing it by the end and sliding it forward while pushing it outwards in one smooth motion. There shouldn't be anything sexy about that, but Alec's mouth goes dry anyway, fingers spasming around Magnus' hips. The belt falls open, and Magnus raises his eyebrows as if to say _see, that was easy, wasn't it?_

"Oh, fuck you," Alec mutters. 

Magnus blinks at him innocently. "Honestly, darling, I don't think we'll make it that far, but I am _very_ happy to try." 

"Okay," Alec agrees immediately, his breath hitching in his chest, his cock throbbing at the mere possibility of whatever's coming next. 

Magnus is entirely right. They do not get that far at all. In fact, they barely manage to get their cocks out and lined up together. Between all the kissing and rising anticipation, Alec's cockhead is wet with precum, and the way Magnus looks down at it while inhaling sharply makes a shudder run down his spine, which, in turn, makes _more_ precum bead at the tip, pearling and sliding down slowly. 

Licking his lips, Magnus wraps his hand around Alec's cock and presses his thumb against the bead of precum, rolling the digit and smearing the mess with a low curse. Alec is too busy having an out of body experience to really do much more beside choke out a gruff moan as he fumbles for Magnus' length with novice fingers, fascinated with the weight and warmth of it. His mouth waters. 

They sway together to kiss, and this one is wildly different than any of the others before. It's sloppy and heated, almost distracted as their attention is split between that and what their hands are doing. More often than not, they're just gasping into each other's mouths, but there are moments when it's more than that. Alec does something with his hand, tightens it around Magnus's cock and twists his wrist, and Magnus reacts by jolting in place and kissing Alec _hard._ It's an intense, biting kiss that leaves Alec whimpering, his bottom lip swollen and throbbing from where Magnus actually _bit_ him. 

Everything about this entire experience is more than Alec ever expected. It's so vivid and intense that he's genuinely stunned by it, mystified every moment that passes where his pleasure just spikes higher and higher. It's nothing like masturbating, _nothing._ Magnus' hand feels infinitely better than his own, and the intimacy of them kissing and clutching at each other is something Alec isn't prepared for. There's a realness to it, too. Bumping elbows and noses, pausing to shuffle when Magnus gets a cramp in his leg, awkward little huffs of laughter when they go for a kiss and miss each other's mouths. But all of that just makes it stand out more in his mind, makes it _special,_ and it just feels so...easy. 

Alec comes way too quickly, in his opinion. He doesn't exactly _mean_ to. It all just feels _so good,_ and Magnus isn't stopping, and he can't help it. Magnus must know that he's close because he speeds up his hand, kissing him fiercely, and does that devilish moan that makes Alec tremble every single time. His release approaches quickly, slamming into him, and he pulls away to toss his head back and lose himself to it, groaning louder than he means to. 

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus breathes out, sounding awed. "Darling, you're _beautiful."_

Alec makes some kind of helpless sound and rolls his head forward, panting as he watches Magnus's fingers fall away from his cock. Mindlessly, he uses his own release to smear it over Magnus' length for an easier glide, mouth watering at the sight. And he thinks, dazedly, _why not?_

Alec drops Magnus' cock, ignoring his affronted sound in favor of distractedly fixing his own pants and getting his hands on Magnus' hips. Blanket permission means exactly that, and distantly, Alec knows be may never get this chance again. He lifts Magnus up and levers him over, sliding off the bed to kneel between Magnus' knees. It's at this point that Magnus seems to realize what's going to happen because he grips his own sheets and takes a deep, shaky breath, watching with wide eyes. 

Taking a moment to simply _look_ at Magnus' cock, Alec doesn't dive in immediately. He's never seen another man's cock before in real life, but he's not all that surprised to find that Magnus' is as perfect as the rest of him. Just looking at it makes his mouth water, and god, Alec is infatuated with it _._

"I'm so _gay,"_ Alec blurts out. 

Magnus releases a shocked burst of laughter, but that chokes off when Alec leans forward and wraps his lips around the head of his cock. He ends up wrinkling his nose as he does, the taste of his own orgasm on Magnus' length salty. But the fact that it's _his_ release all over Magnus' cock makes the taste meaningless, shrouding the minor distaste of it with just how _hot_ that is. Plus, he's sucking a cock, and that requires all of his focus. 

As far as blowjobs go, he's pretty sure he's not all that great at it. He can't take all of Magnus' length, and he keeps having to sniffle because blowjobs apparently open up the sinuses, and he hasn't quite worked out how to breathe and suck at the same time. That doesn't seem to matter, though, because Magnus is squirming and gasping out his name--all variations of it, short and full--and he has his hand in Alec's hair, rings cool against his scalp. Alec is pretty sure he knows when Magnus is going to come because his hips start jerking and his moans turn to whines. He opens his eyes and looks up, his gaze locking with Magnus', and there's suddenly a cock pulsing in his mouth, spilling on his tongue. 

Alec has no choice but to swallow, unwilling to _spit it out_ like he desperately wants to. Plus, he's heard Izzy say spitters are for quitters, and Alec has certainly never been that. He even manages to keep his face clear when he swallows, forgetting the taste almost immediately as he pulls away and Magnus flops back on the bed with a deep sigh.

"Are you okay?" Alec asks, clearing his throat as he watches Magnus' chest rise and fall at a rapid rate. 

Magnus' head pops up to stare at him incredulously. "Okay? _Okay?"_ he mutters, shifting up to fix his pants and stare at Alec. "Darling, I am _much_ better than okay. Are _you_ okay?" 

Alec tries to shrug nonchalantly. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" 

"That's the first time you've ever done anything sexual, isn't it?" Magnus asks him casually. 

"Was it that obvious?" Alec mumbles with a wince, looking down at his fingers. 

"You misunderstand me. What just happened was _wonderful,_ Alexander." Magnus reaches out to place his fingers under his chin and tilt his face up so they can look at each other. "I just assumed because you only just came out today." 

"I've never even kissed anyone before," Alec admits in a whisper, swallowing thickly. 

Magnus inhales sharply and his hand on the bed clenches into a fist. "I'm your first...everything?" he asks, sounding strangled. 

"Yes." Alec nods and frowns. "I'm sorry, I should have told you that before we--" 

He doesn't get to say much else because Magnus is suddenly surging forward to kiss him slow and soft, this kiss nothing like anything from before. It's sweet in its entirety, their lips brushing, no tongue. It still manages to overwhelm all of Alec's senses and make everything else melt away. He doesn't even realize he's shifting from his knees to settle on the bed beside Magnus to reach up and cradle his cheeks as they kiss tenderly. His stomach swoops. 

When Magnus slowly pulls away like he's savoring it, his eyes flutter open and he murmurs, "You are perfect just the way you are, and I am very honored to have been your first." 

Alec swallows and admits, "I'm very glad you were." 

* * *

  * **Fall in love**



  
  


Magnus looks the most undignified Alec has ever seen him. His hair is a haphazard mess, his make up is smudged, and his clothes sit on his frame off-center. He looks like he never does, unkempt and disheveled. It just so happens, Magnus still looks as beautiful as he always has, if not more. 

A lot of things hit Alec all at once when Magnus gets up to go put himself back together in front of the mirror. It all seems to settle down on him just then, things clicking together and making terrifying sense. Not only has he just came out to his friends and family, but he's also _just_ finished having sex for the very first time...with his rival. 

For some reason, that last little fact makes his brain do a record-scratch. He just had sex...with _Magnus Bane._ With the guy he's disliked for the past two years. With someone he has spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about. 

Oh, _fuck._

Suddenly, the way Magnus had looked at him knowingly earlier, the thing Magnus seemed to _know_ that Alec didn't...the realization slams into him, square in the chest. 

_Oh,_ his mind tells him again, this time in line with his own shock and dismay. 

He--he doesn't _dislike_ Magnus, he has a fucking crush on him! He's probably had a crush on him this entire fucking time, one so intense that it pissed him off because he didn't realize it and had been doing his best to hide his sexuality. That must have translated into him being rude and doing everything to push Magnus away, except they _still_ ended up here, and Alec has no idea what the fuck to do with that. 

Now that he thinks about it, and he's most definitely fucking thinking about it, this _crush_ might run a little deeper than he's aware of. He can't recall a day that he hasn't thought about Magnus, or ranted about him to anyone who would listen, or found some reason--any reason--to be around him, despite how much he claimed to despise him. He thinks Magnus' eyes are pretty, thinks _he's_ pretty, likes his clothes and just wants to be near him. He wants Magnus to call him by his full name, call him _darling_ like he doesn't anyone else, wants him to keep right on not putting up with Alec's rudeness and giving as good as he gets. He--God, he actually _likes_ Magnus. 

"Oh, _fuck_ no," Alec blurts out sharply, making Magnus jolt and click his tongue as he pulls his eyeliner away from his eye and turn to look at him with his eyebrows raised. 

When he sees Alec's expression, however, Magnus sits the eyeliner down. "Ah," he says knowingly, "yes, that. It's completely normal, Alec, don't be alarmed." 

"I don't hate you," Alec hisses, aware of his own face twisting in shock. 

"That doesn't appear to be the case, no," Magnus tells him, sounding amused. "After what we did, I can confidently say we don't hate each other." 

Alec stares at him. "Magnus, I--I've been so…" 

"Rude? Contradictory? Self-sabotaging?" Magnus suggests. When Alec just swallows, his face softens and he sighs. "I'm not going to say that it was okay to be like that when I didn't deserve it, but it's not like I didn't give as good as I got." 

"I thought--I figured I was always just so irritated with you because I was jealous." Alec grimaces when Magnus stares at him in surprise. "You're, you know, kind of perfect. Top of your class, effortlessly gorgeous, and you just have this _ease_ with everything you do. Nothing fazes you." 

Magnus hums, tilting his head. "The grass is always greener, I suppose, but please remember that not everything that glitters is gold. I study very hard to keep my grades up, and I had to drop two classes in my first year to retake them later. As you can clearly see, I have to apply my makeup and dress to bring out my natural beauty. And never fool yourself into thinking anyone has it easy. You, however, have never had to drop a class, and you're painfully beautiful without makeup, even in those dreadful clothes, and maybe your life isn't the easiest, but there's something to respect in how you press on despite any obstacle in your path." 

Alec gapes at him. "Magnus, that's--" 

"And Alexander," Magnus continues softly, "you have always fazed me." 

Snapping his mouth shut, Alec holds his breath as a fresh wave of emotion washes through him. He'd never have expected those words to leave Magnus' mouth, and it's like he's seeing a different side to him that makes Alec only like him _more._

What does it mean when you've had feelings for someone for two years and just never admitted it to yourself? What does it mean that Alec wants Magnus to smile, to never stop smiling, to smile because of _him?_ What does it mean that Alec has only had sex with Magnus but already can't picture doing it with anyone else, doesn't even _want_ to? And fuck, what does it mean that Alec wants to kiss Magnus again, maybe be allowed to kiss him forever? 

Alec knows what it means. 

"I think you look beautiful, makeup or not," is all Alec says, his heart clenching in his chest. 

Magnus smiles at him. "Thank you. Perhaps one day I will let you see me right after a shower. No one ever has, you know, but I'd let you." 

"Why?" Alec asks, daring to hope. 

"Because, for some reason, I believe it when you tell me I'm beautiful," Magnus replies, his smile warm and intimate. He looks away and clears his throat. "But that's for another time. I really should get back to my guests, and I'm sure our friends are wondering where we are." 

Alec thinks _oh god, I'm in love with him,_ but all he does is stand and say, "Yeah, you're right." 

* * *

  
  


  * **(even if it ends in heartbreak)**



  
  


"Hey, where'd you get off to?" Jace asks him cheerfully, coming over to lean against the wall beside him, looking over at him with a smile. 

Alec waves a hand. "Oh, you know," he says vaguely, clearing his throat. "Where's your worse half?" 

"Dancing with my better half," Simon says as a greeting as he slides into the open spot on the other side of Alec. He jerks his chin to the small group of people dancing in the middle of the room, Izzy and Clary among them. "They ditched me and Jace, as per usual. Beginning to wonder why I'm in love with your sister at all, Alec." 

"Why...are you?" Alec finds himself asking, making both Jace and Simon look at him in surprise. 

Simon shuffles nervously. "Uh, because your sister is the best person in this world? She's my favorite person. She always makes me laugh, and I love her weird obsession with dead things, and she always pretends to like all the pop culture I do, even if she doesn't always enjoy it. I mean, you know, she just makes me really, _really_ happy." 

"Oh," Alec says softly. He looks down at his hands, frowning a little. "Okay, but how did you know? Or no, _when_ did you know?" 

"Oh, first sight, hands down." Simon snorts and rolls his eyes. "I was a goner the moment I laid eyes on her. She was wearing that Darth Vader shirt, and when she saw me wearing the same one, she smiled at me. I was head over heels instantly." 

"That's because you're a hopeless romantic," Jace mocks, rolling his eyes. 

Simon sticks his tongue out at him. "Yeah, you're just jealous. It took Clary _months_ to wear you down, even though you _obviously_ had a thing for her. Do you even know how long I had to put up with her complaining about you? Oh, Jace, his stupid cheekbones and blond hair and perfect _eyes…_ Ugh, you could have done me a solid and just got with her sooner." 

"Yeah, well, I didn't," Jace mutters, actually blushing a little as he shoots Simon the middle finger. 

Alec frowns at him. "Why not?" 

"Why didn't I get with Clary sooner?" 

"Yeah." 

"Oh." Jace blinks and shrugs a little self-consciously as he clears his throat. "Guess I was just worried it would end badly. I really fell for her hard. Didn't mean to, but Clary has her allure, you know." 

"No, I don't know," Alec tells him, but his mind turns to Magnus, and he thinks he might have an idea of what Jace is talking about. 

Jace grins at him and waggles his eyebrows. "Yeah, 'cause you're strictly dickly. Good for you, man. You know what that means, right? It _means_ that Izzy and I will be redoubling our efforts to hook you up with someone. Now we have a target demographic." 

"I don't want--" 

"Ah, ah, _I_ don't want to hear it. Now, come on, who's your type? Help me narrow it down." 

Alec sighs. "Pretty, perfect, argumentative, looks damn good in makeup and wears too many rings." 

"Holy shit," Simon breathes out, catching on almost immediately. _"Magnus?_ Oh, that explains so much!" 

Jace's lips part. "You're into _Magnus?_ Alec! Why didn't you say anything? How long have you known? Is this new, or--" 

"I figured it out approximately fifteen minutes ago after having sex with him. It's not a new thing. Apparently I've been halfway in love with him for two years now. So, that's just _great."_ Alec's voice never wavers, but he's obsessively tugging at the meat of skin between his thumb and pointer finger. 

Simon and Jace simultaneously rear back in shock. 

"You're in love with Magnus?!" 

"You just had sex?!" 

Alec sighs. "Yeah…" 

"Wow," Simon mutters, "this night has been _wild_ for you, hasn't it?" 

"Take a wild fucking guess," Alec deadpans. 

"No, okay, this is good. This is great!" Jace beams at him and claps him on the shoulder supportively. "You should _definitely_ go for it, man. Magnus is great, and you're great, and you two would be great!" 

Alec stares at him, his chest feeling too tight. "Jace, obviously I can't do anything _about_ it. I've been nothing but an asshole to him for two years, and we just had sex without talking about it. It happened, and now that's the end of it." 

"What? _No."_ Simon looks deeply displeased, but this isn't too shocking. He _is_ the guy who loves romcoms almost as much as he loves Star Wars. "There's no way you're giving up! You--you _have_ to tell him how you feel." 

"Never going to happen, especially not tonight. I've already blitzed through my entire list, and frankly, I've had enough drama for one night," Alec says with a weary sigh. 

"List?" Jace asks. "What list?" 

Alec wrinkles his nose. "I--I made a list on my first day of college. A list of five things I wanted to do before I graduated. Go to a party, get drunk, find a way to come out to you and Izzy, have sex, and fall in love. That's enough eventful shit to last me a lifetime, so I think I'm gonna call it a night." 

"No, no, Jace, make him stop," Simon says urgently. 

Jace reaches out to grasp Alec's elbow and pull him back when he tries to leave. "Oh, no you don't. Okay, we're making a new list. Simon, go find me a pen and a small piece of paper." 

Simon dutifully darts off to do just that, and Alec scowls at Jace. "I don't need a new list. Jace, I'm serious, okay? It--it's fine. I'll get over it...eventually." 

But secretly, Alec doubts he will. Magnus will probably always be the one he thinks about, even years down the road. Somehow, he just _knows_ that Magnus won't ever fully leave his mind. He allows himself a brief moment to imagine a future where they're older and estranged, bumping into each other, both single and interested. But who is he kidding? Magnus wouldn't possibly be single for that long; he's too amazing, and someone will snag him. 

That's a whole other _thing_ that Alec is not at all prepared for. He doesn't want to have to sit idly by while Magnus falls in love with someone else, but that's a reality he'll have to face eventually. The mere thought makes a lump form in his throat and his stomach curl unpleasantly. This heartbreak business is kind of shitty. His heart actually _hurts._

"I'm back!" Simon blurts out as he comes to a slipping halt beside them, holding a small post-it note and a glitter-pen, beaming at them. 

Jace snatches it and gives Alec a sharp look. "You are getting a new list where you like it or not, and I expect you to cross what's on it off before this night is even over." 

"What?" Alec gapes at him. "Are you insane?" 

"It will be simple, I promise. There's only going to be one thing on the list," Jace assures him, scribbling away, his eyes narrowed as he writes. When he finishes it, he holds it out to Alec. "Here. Take it, read it, _do it."_

With that, Jace very pointedly grasps Simon's arm and tugs him towards the dance floor where their respective girlfriends are. Simon flails and demands to know what's on the list the entire way, but Jace just ignores him. Alec watches them reach their destination, his heart twisting sharply in his chest. Izzy's entire face lights up when Simon sidles up beside her, and they wrap their arms around each other comfortably, laughing as they sway to the music. Jace slips in behind Clary, nuzzling her hair and drawing her back against his chest, and she sinks back against him trustingly. 

Slowly, Alec stares down at the post-it note. 

**_Take a chance,_ **it reads. 

Alec swallows thickly and lets the note flutter to the floor, a strange burning feeling in his chest. He wants to go home now and heads for the door, leaving the new list behind without a second thought. 

It's pointless, anyway. 

* * *

  * **Take a chance**



  
  


"Alec! Hey, Alec!" 

God, of _course._ Alec sighs as he comes to a halt in the hallway, slowly pivoting to watch Magnus pace towards him with a confused expression. He lifts his hand, holding out the same post-it note he'd left behind, and Alec's heart does some funny kind of squirming thing in his chest. The note isn't incriminating, but something about the fact that it's _Magnus_ chasing after him to bring him the abandoned list almost feels like...a sign? 

The universe wouldn't be that obvious, would it?

"Where'd you get that?" Alec asks. 

Magnus comes to a stop in front of him, his gaze bright, lips curling up. "I saw it when you dropped it. I was sort of watching you. For someone who had an orgasm less than an hour ago, you seem very solemn. Is everything okay?" 

"Everything is fine," Alec mutters, fighting the blush that heats his cheeks. By the delight that sparks in Magnus' eyes, he must lose that battle. "Um, thanks for the--for giving me this." 

"Are you leaving?" Magnus actually sounds genuinely disappointed. "The party is winding down, but it's far from over. You should--" 

"I just--it's been kind of a long night," Alec interrupts, clearing his throat. He heaves a sigh and waves a hand in the general direction of the party taking place in Magnus' apartment. "I really should get home and just...relax, I guess." 

Magnus smiles slightly. "Yeah, that's fair. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?" 

"Uh," Alec says, then blinks rapidly in surprise. His eyebrows furrow. "You'd do that? _Why?"_

"It's not a big deal, Alexander," Magnus says with a bright laugh. "It's only a twenty minute walk. Besides, I'd feel better to know you got home safely." 

"You'd be worried otherwise?" 

"Yes, of course." 

Alec stares at Magnus, his heart thundering away, trying to crack a rib. "That kind of defeats the purpose, though, doesn't it? Walking with me so I won't be alone, then walking back by yourself." 

"Well, I'm more worried about you than I am me," Magnus rattles off flippantly, and then his entire face clears with surprise as he looks at Alec with his lips parted. "That--I…" 

It's funny, Alec thinks. Funny how things can change in just one night, in one second, even. Magnus seems at a loss for words, but Alec has a sneaking suspicion that he knows something Magnus doesn't. It'll be a risk to find out, to toe the line, but… 

Well, it's a chance he's willing to take. 

Taking a deep breath, Alec suddenly dips down and presses his lips firmly against Magnus', almost immediately pleased by the feeling of it. He just really likes how Magnus' lips _feel._ He also likes how Magnus makes a small sound of approval in the back of his throat and reaches out to grip his shoulders, arching up to kiss him back. Yeah, he _really_ likes that. 

"Maybe you should have Izzy and the others spend the night after the party and deal with all the other guests," Alec murmurs when they pull away, their foreheads pressing together. 

Magnus hums. "And why should I do that?" 

"Because, if you want, you and I could spend the night in my very quiet dorm by ourselves," Alec says. 

"Yeah, that's--I'll be right back," Magnus agrees hastily, jerking back to rush back into his apartment. 

Alec smiles and leans back against the wall, tilting his head back and reaching up to touch his lips, internally rolling his eyes at himself. He can't help it, though, can't force away this giddy feeling in his chest. He thinks about how surprised Magnus had looked when he'd admitted that he'd cared about him, he remembers the gentle _something_ in Magnus' gaze when he'd told Alec that he always fazes him, he can perfectly recall the way Magnus had kissed him and called him perfect just the way he is. 

It feels like a chance. 

"Okay," Magnus says once he darts back out of his loft, gesturing with a sweep of his hand, "lead the way, darling." 

"Before we go, I want to make something clear, just in case you missed it." Alec lifts up the list and shows it to Magnus. "This is about you. And--and I'm going to take an _insane_ chance here, just to tell you that I, uh, didn't invite you to my dorm for sex. Or, well, not just sex. We should definitely have sex. But more than that, too, if--if you'd...want that, maybe." 

Magnus's eyes are very soft. "Are you asking me out, Alexander?" 

"I'm trying to," Alec admits sheepishly. He averts his gaze. "I know I haven't exactly been...well, I've been a dick to you for the past two years, and I'm sorry. If you'll let me, I'll make it up to you. With, like, dates and sex and stuff. If...you know, you're into that." 

"Yeah," Magnus says with a grin, "I'd like that very much. There's actually a little chinese place still open between here and your dorm." 

Alec blinks. "Do you--I mean, do you want to go?" 

"Yes, I really do," Magnus murmurs, drifting forward to press a lingering kiss to his cheek as he passes by to head towards the door. When Alec just stands there in a daze, he looks over his shoulder with a fond smile. "Come along, Alexander, we have our first date out of many to get to." 

Alec quickly jogs to catch up, falling into step beside him, his heart fluttering in his chest. With the ease in which he does everything, Magnus reaches over to grab his hand and loosely tangle their fingers together. It's comfortable and warm, and Alec feels like he's glowing from the inside out. 

As insane as this night has been, it's leisurely heads in a calm direction that leaves a promise of a fulfilling future with Magnus, no lists required. 

* * *

On Alec's last day of college, he makes a list of five things he wants to do in the near future. He _knows_ it's a good list, all things considered. It is his future, after all, and it's his to plan for. 

The list goes like this, in no particular order: 

  * **Travel with Magnus for their anniversary**


  * **Get his dream job**


  * **Be Jace's Best Man**


  * **Introduce Magnus to his mother**


  * **Pick out the perfect ring (and propose)**



With time, not all at once, he crosses everything off this list, just like the ones before it. And he does it with the help of the love of his life, one Magnus Bane (soon-to-be Magnus Lightwood-Bane.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I seriously adore them!
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS


End file.
